I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
