I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
