So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I need moral support for this bender
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
