WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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