No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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