you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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