I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize