maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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