So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
