I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
