Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
accomplished twins. life is a go
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
