Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize
