Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
