i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
