I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
