my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
