areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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