i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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