I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
