we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
