Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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