I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Duck Duck Cougar?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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