Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
