I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
