I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
