its not stalking. its research.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
