I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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