She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
