Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
