He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
