Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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