I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
