mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize