At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
