watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
