just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
