South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
