We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
