We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
