yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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