If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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