Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
