i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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