Will you blow on my dice?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
