hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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