I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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