I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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