Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
