Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
