Your mouth is God's brothel.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
