I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize