Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
