you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
