I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
