So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
