i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
