You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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