I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
