Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
