Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
