so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
