Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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