Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
