My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
