I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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