All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
