I accidentally burped into my bong.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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