Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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