All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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