i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
