every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
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