haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
