this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
