PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
